You can't have everything… where would you put it? ~Steven Wright quotes
More from my site
When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter
I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Give a man a free hand and he’ll try to put it all over you
Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt
Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy
He who can does. He who cannot, teaches
He’s the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you
If only God would give me some sign
Giving up smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times