Top 52 funny sex quotes compilation,a collection of best funny sex quotes

Top 52 funny sex quotes compilation,a collection of best funny sex quotes

1.
Sex is like bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand. ~ Charles Pierce

2.
Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. – Andy Warhol

3.
Sex is more fun than cars but cars refuel quicker than men. ~ Germaine Greer

4.
Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature. ~ Marilyn Monroe

5.
Sex is not a mechanical act that fails for lack of technique, and it is not a performance by the male for the audience of the female; it is a continuum of attraction that extends from the simplest conversation and the most innocent touching through the act of coitus. – Garrison Keillor

6.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. -Swami X

7.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. —Steve Martin

8.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.- George Burns

9.
Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship.-Sue Johanson

10.
Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex. -Havelock Ellis

11.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. —Woody Allen

12.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best.- Woody Allen

13.
Sex… the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.~ Lord Chesterfield

14.
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. ~ John Barrymore

15.
She said she wanted a separation. I was horrified, and I said, ‘You want me to wear a condom!’—Jarod Kintz

16.
Skiing is better than sex actually, because for me a good round of sex might be seven minutes. Skiing you can do for seven hours. – Spalding Gray

17.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less. ~ Brendan Francis

18.
The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. ~ Rita Rudner

19.
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~ Honore de Balzac

20.
The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined. – Homer

21.
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform. – Alfred Kinsey

22.
The sexual embrace can only be compared with music and with prayer. – Marcus Aurelius

23.
The way you make love is the way God will be with you. – Rumi

24.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. —Chris Rock

25.
There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain. – Audrey Hepburn

26.
There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. – Elton John

27.
There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid. ~ Denis Leary

28.
There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So 

what’s the problem?- Dustin Hoffman

29.
There’s no sex in Middle Earth. – Ian McKellen

30.
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.- Jerry Seinfeld

31.
To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth — I count that something of a miracle. – Henry Miller

32.
To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it. – Cary Grant

33.
We demand that sex speak the truth […] and we demand that it tell us our truth, or rather, the deeply buried truth of that truth about ourselves wich we 

think we possess in our immediate consciousness. – Michel Foucault

34.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. —Lily Tomlin

35.
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math. —Mike Birbiglia

36.
What’s the most popular pastime in America? Auto eroticism, hands down. ~ Scott Roeben

37.
What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home. ~ Ken Hammond

38.
What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap. ~ James Agate

39.
When I came here, I couldn’t speak a word of English, but my sex life was perfect. Now my English is perfect but my sex life is rubbish. ~ Julio Iglesias

40.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. —Groucho Marx

41.
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!- George Bernard Shaw

42.
Women are cursed, and men are the proof. —Roseanne Barr

43.
Women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions which men think it manly to pay to the sex, when, in fact, men are insultingly 

supporting their own superiority. – Mary Wollstonecraft

44.
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.- Roseanne

45.
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think— in a deeper voice. —Bill Cosby

46.
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. —Dave Attell

47.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.- Sharon Stone

48.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.-Billy Crystal

49.
Women who love women are Lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define Lesbian as sex between women. – Rita Mae Brown

50.
You can’t talk about fucking in America, people say you’re dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that’s cool. – Richard Pryor

51.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.- Steve Martin

52.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. ~ Milton Berle