Top 50 best funny sex quotes compilation,a collection of funny sex quotes

Top 50 best funny sex quotes compilation,a collection of funny sex quotes

1.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. ~ Woody Allen

2.
A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. ~ Redd Foxx

3.
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. – Gloria Steinem

4.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp. —Joan Rivers

5.
A man is basically as faithful as his options. – Chris Rock

6.
A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.-Victor Lownes

7.
A terrible thing happened to me last night again – Nothing. ~ Phyllis Diller

8.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.- Robert De Niro

9.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.- Robin Williams

10.
An intellectual is a person who's found one thing that's more interesting than sex. ~ Aldous Huxley

11.
As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. ~ Scott Roeben

12.
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

13.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. —Woody Allen

14.
Books are finite, sexual encounters are finite, but the desire to read and to fuck is infinite; it surpasses our own deaths, our fears, our hopes for peace. – Roberto Bolano

15.
Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious. – Jack Kerouac

16.
Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die. – Eugene Mirman

17.
Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they’re taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it’s normal to kneel down to a naked man who’s nailed to a cross? It’s like a bad leather bar. – John Waters

18.
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.- Barbara Bush

19.
Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. ~ George Mikes

20.
Conversation like television set on honeymoon…unnecessary. ~ Peter Sellers

21.
Copulation is no more foul to me than death is. – Walt Whitman

22.
Don't have sex, man! It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them!-Steve Martin

23.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

24.
Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. —Oscar Wilde

25.
Fuck! Is one expected to be a gentleman when one is stiff? – Marquis de Sade

26.
Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. ~ Bob Hope

27.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.- Woody Allen

28.
He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical. ~ Les Dawson

29.
Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone. ~ Dave Letterman

30.
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. ~ Phyllis Diller

31.
I am always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore

32.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.- Tom Clancy

33.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, "the man goes on top and the woman underneath". For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. ~ Joan Rivers

34.
I have always been principally interested in men for sex. I’ve always thought any sane woman would be a lover of women because loving men is such a mess. I have always wished I’d fall in love with a woman. Damn. – Germaine Greer

35.
I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for The One. And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time. – Russell Brand

36.
I practice safe sex – I use an airbag. ~ Garry Shandling

37.
I remember the first time I had sex. I kept the receipt. —Groucho Marx

38.
I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical. ~ Robert Mitchum

39.
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.- John Waters

40.
I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn’t say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie. ~ Sting

41.
I think it is funny that we were freer about sexuality in the 4th century B.C. It is a little disconcerting. – Angelina Jolie

42.
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. —Chelsea Handler

43.
I went to Catholic school and they basically just said don’t have sex, but would never explain anything. – Khloe Kardashian

44.
I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers. ~ Linda Ronstadt

45.
I would rather have a cup of tea than sex. – Boy George

46.
I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world. – Jeanette Winterston

47.
I’ll come and make love to you at five o’clock. If I’m late, start without me. ~ Tallulah Bankhead

48.
I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life. – Mitch Hedberg

49.
I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax. ~ Scott Roeben

50.
I’m all for bringing back the birch, but only between consenting adults. – Gore Vidal