Some of the funniest Thanksgiving quotes and sayings 

Some of the funniest Thanksgiving quotes and sayings 

Some of the funniest Thanksgiving quotes and sayings


A collection of great and funny quotes about Thanksgiving Day.


“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” — Kin Hubbard

 

“A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry—that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.” — Johnny Carson

 

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet

 

“Coexistencewhat the farmer does with the turkey — until Thanksgiving.” — Mike Connolly

 

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” — Andy Borowitz

 

“I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade.” — Ellen Orleans

 

“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” — Craig Ferguson

 

“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.” — Robert Brault

 

“I’m not so much thankful for this short week of work as I am annoyed I have to come in at all.” — Anonymous

 

“I’m thankful that I only have to fake working for two days this week.” — Anonymous

 

“If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed — like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.” — Ted Nugent

 

“May your turkey be moist and may no one use that word to describe it.” — Anonymous

 

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” — Phyllis Diller

 

“My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.” — Rita Rudner

 

“Old people shouldn't eat health foods.  They need all the preservatives they can get.” — Robert Orben

 

“OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY.” — Steve Martin

 

“On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment — halftime.” — Author Unknown

 

“Stove Top Dressingsatisfying your craving for a big bowl full of wet onions and mush since 1957!” — Mike Vanatta

 

“Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.” — Melanie White

 

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck

 

“Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” — Michael Dresser

 

“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” — Johnny Carson

 

“Thanksgiving is possible only for those who take time to remember; no one can give thanks who has a short memory.” — Author Unknown

 

“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus.” — Melanie White

 

“Thanksgiving, man—not a good day to be my pants.” — Kevin James

 

“The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'” — Conan O’Brien

 

“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinatingpeople who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.” — Oscar Wilde

 

“To succeed in life, you need three thingsa wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

 

“Unless you live alone, do you ever REALLY know where that turkey baster's been?” — Just Bill

 

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.” — Jim Davis

 

“We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.” — Epicurus

 

“We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.” — George Carlin

 

“What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen.” — Alice B. Toklas

 

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” — Jay Leno

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