H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! – Author Unknown
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Remember: ‘i’ before ‘e’, except in Budweiser- I’m normal. It’s everyone else that’s weird
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off
Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot
When you’re run down the best thing to take is the license number- One of the check-out counters had a sign that said “eight items or less”
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football
It’s always darkest before the dawn
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Evening news: Where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t