funny sex quotes,all great 50 funny sex quotes compilation

funny sex quotes,all great 50 funny sex quotes compilation

1.
If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, I can’t do this anymore. Thanks for coming over! – Vince Vaughn

2.
If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

3.
If Jack’s in love, he’s no judge of Jill’s beauty. —Benjamin Franklin

4.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? ~ Bette Midler

5.
If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex. ~ Kate Beckinsale

6.
If we take matrimony at it’s lowest, we regard it as a sort of friendship recognized by the police. —Robert Louis Stevenson

7.
If you want romance, fuck a journalist. – W.H. Auden

8.
If you’re going to have sex, use a condom. -Dennis Rodman

9.
If you’re having your period, come on over. I’m 41. I’ll fuck the shit out of you. I’ll drink the blood. Let’s party. – Louis C.K.

10.
I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women. ~ Bernard Manning

11.
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen

12.
In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind. – Nora Ephron

13.
Instead of getting m married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.- Rod Stewart

14.
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. ~ Drew Carey

15.
It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up whom. – Joan Rivers

16.
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. ~ George Burns

17.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ~ Marylyn Munroe

18.
Kids. They’re not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. – Bill Maher

19.
Later I would come to believe that erotic ties were all a spell, a temporary psychosis, even a kind of violence, or at least they coexisted with these states. – Lorrie Moore

20.
Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. ~ Camille Paglia

 

21.
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.-Woody Allen

22.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? —Groucho Marx

23.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?-Rita Rudner

24.
Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying. ~ Rita Rudner

25.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. —Joan Rivers

26.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.- Steve Jobs

27.
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

28.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.- Jack Nicholson

29.
My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. —Rodney Dangerfield

30.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. – Les Dawson

31.
Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from. —Nora Ephron

32.
Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television. ~ Gore Vidal

33.
No, I am not interested in women or sex or anything. – Jonny Greenwood

34.
Personally I know nothing about sex because I’ve always been married. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

35.
Publishing a sophisticated men’s magazine seemed to me the best possible way of fulfilling a dream I’d been nurturing ever since I was a teenager: to get 

laid a lot. – Hugh Hefner

36.
Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software. ~ Arthur C. Clarke

37.
Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered – and I still do – which is more important. ~ Hermione Gingold

38.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.- Robin Williams

39.
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, you get it on your shirt. —Mike Birbiglia

40.
Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. ~ Sophia Loren

41.
Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got.-Sophia Loren

42.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.- Camille Paglia

43.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.- Woody Allen

44.
Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes. ~ Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

45.
Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. – Deepak Chopra

46.
Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other. –Marquis de Sade

47.
Sex is better than talk…Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. ~ Woody Allen

48.
Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid, when it was a mystery. – David Duchovny

49.
Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any. —John Callahan

50.
Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.-Scott Roeben