All about Bill Hicks quotes about people, drug, humor


All about Bill Hicks quotes about people, drug, humor

All about Bill Hicks quotes about people, drug, humor


You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You're in a ballgame or a concert and someone's really violent and aggressive and obnoxious. Are they drunk or…smoking pot? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You want a better world…? Legalize pot right now. …end the deficit? Legalize pot right now…biggest cash crop in America. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? Kinda like going up to Jackie O. with a rifle pendant on.— Bill Hicks quotes

 

You know what I think cruel is? Leaving your loved ones to die in some sterile hospital room–Fuck that! Put 'em in the movies!— Bill Hicks quotes

 

You know what I hate about working? Bosses…The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well…I think you see the conflict. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You know the world is 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day Yeah, looks liked He rushed it. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

You all saw him – he had a gun. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit… unnatural? You know what I mean? It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

When you're…stepping over a guy on the sidewalk…does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?' — Bill Hicks quotes

 

When you're high you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize…it's not worth the fuckin' effort. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all One?…You can see why the government's cracking down. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

'We're rock stars who do Pepsi Cola commercials!'…Suckin' Satan's pecker. Suck it! It's only your dignity. Suck it! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added 'em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Well how fucking scientific, okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble. That's good. You believe the world's 12,000 years old? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad…that's a little bit overdoing it. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country–How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?— Bill Hicks quotes

 

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

'Warning: Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth.'…Found MY brand! Just don't get the ones that say 'lung cancer.'— Bill Hicks quotes

 

Waitress comes over to me: 'What you readin' for?' I said…I guess I read…so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress!— Bill Hicks quotes

 

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a mistake. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

This is your brain. I've seen a lot of weird shit on drugs. I have never ever ever ever EVER looked at a fucking egg and thought it was a brain. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

This is the idea that has made me…an anonymous figure in America…If you have children here tonight…they are NOT special.— Bill Hicks quotes

 

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

There's too many fucking people in the world. Quit rutting. Let's work out this food/air deal. Then go back to your rutting. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

There's a Living God who will talk directly fuckin' to you…not thru the pages of the Bible that forgot to mention dinosaurs! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

There it is, My creation. Perfect and holy…Oh my, Me!…I left fucking pot everywhere…Now I have to create Republicans. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue–those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS–but they remain strangely silent…— Bill Hicks quotes

 

There ain't no one out there who's a fucking threat to us, OK?…Oh, I'm talking now only of countries we don't arm first. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

The Voice of Reason is in us all…and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey…there's one guy holding up both! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

The musicians today who don't do drugs and in fact speak out against it? Rock Against Drugs? BOY do they suck. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

The CIA has a plot…they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem…is convincing Hussein…to fly to Dallas. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually…I'm gonna lose one lung; little while later I'm gonna lose the other one. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies…and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick–'You hate this country'….I have to tell him…I just hate being lied to. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

So scary watching the news…Like Iraq…could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever. — Bill Hicks quotes 1992

 

Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which…I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

See we just had a misunderstanding. I thought we lived in the U.S. of A., the United States of America. But actually we live in the U.S. of A., the United States of Advertising. Freedom of expression is guaranteed? If you've got the money! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes–are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!— Bill Hicks quotes

 

Rock stars against drugs–that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts…Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.— Bill Hicks quotes

 

People suck and that's my contention. I can prove it on scratch paper and a pen … We're a virus with shoes. OK? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

People say Iraq had the fourth largest army in the world. Yeah, maybe, but you know what, after the first 3 largest armies, there's a REAL big fucking drop-off. The Hare Krishnas are the 5th largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting? Guy said, Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted. If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves…After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

One of my big fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to come to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding on to for years. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

On we traveled till the Earth was just a dot…and we were on our way to our NEW life and NEW HAPPINESS. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Oh–won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?…L.A. fell in the ocean?… There is a God. He loves us all so much. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

'Oh, childbirth is such a miracle.'…Wrong!…A miracle's raising a kid who doesn't talk in a fucking movie theater. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Nonsmokers–this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! … That's the story of Jesus. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

McDonald's, it'll supply 40 new jobs there in Moscow. Yeah, 20 dentists and 20 heart specialists. It's shit. Don't eat it. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Marijuana grows naturally…Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Let's figure out this food/air deal, OK? 'K. I'm just weird, you know? How about have a neat world for kids to come TO? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Let me assure you right now: there are dick jokes on the way. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Jesus–murdered. Martin Luther King–murdered. Gandhi–murdered. Malcolm X–murdered. Reagan–wounded. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO…explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I've had good times on drugs…bad times on drugs…But I've had good and bad relationships…and I'm not giving up pussy. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me…oxygen tent, iron lung. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's really weird how your life changes. Tonight I'm drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's not that I disagreed with Bush's economic policy… I believed he was a child of Satan here to destroy the planet… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's hard to have a relationship in this business…it's gonna take a very special woman…or a bunch of average ones. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Isn't that the weirdest fucking question you've ever heard? Not what am I readING, but what am I reading *for*? Well, godammit, ya stumped me! Why do I read? Well… hmmm… I dunno… I guess I read for a lot of reasons, and the main one is so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag?…No, it's not…That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

In Australia…they celebrate Easter the same…by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit…left chocolate eggs in the night— Bill Hicks quotes

 

Improv–what a fucking morgue! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm tired of this back-slapping Isn't humanity neat? bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm talking metaphorically about America, all right? Not y'all. I give y'all more credit. I assume that you're enjoying this. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm sorry if anyone here is Catholic–uh…I'm not sorry if you're offended…just the fact that you're Catholic. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm smoking and you come up coughing at me. Jesus! You go up to crippled people dancin', too, you fucks? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm kind of bummed because I'm missing right now … my favorite cultural train wreck: 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno'. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm just saying if you're gonna have a war against drugs, have 'em against all drugs, including alcohol…or shut the fuck up! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm Bill Hicks quotes and I'm dead now…Cigarettes didn't kill me. A bunch of nonsmokers kicked the shit out of me one night. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'm amusing people one at a time here tonight…I'm amazed at the restraint of the rest of you till your time comes up. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'll tell you who the threat to the status quo is in this country. It's us. That's why they…keep you afraid…impotent. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing…Those unwanted babies…? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'll see you all in Heaven, where we can really share a great laugh together…forever and ever…and ever. With love, Bill Hicks quotes.

 

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

If the FBI's motivating factor for busting down the Koresh compound was child abuse, how come we never see Bradley tanks smashing into Catholic churches? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I'd…bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I…am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light…in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman…come in the guise of a comic…to heal perception by using…'jokes'… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was just down in Dallas, Texas…the Assassination Museum…it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was in Nashville, Tennesee last year. After the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, I was hungry. And I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book, right? Waitress walks over to me: <smack smack smack smack> Hey, whatchoo readin' for? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was in Australia….Lotta leg room down under. Apartments: dollar a month. 2000-acre den….think of the parties. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was born William Melvin Hicks on December 16, 1961 in Valdosta, Georgia. Ugh–Melvin Hicks from Georgia. Yee Har! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was always 'awake'…Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I was a weekend drinker…I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday…thought I was controlling it…but I don't drink any more. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York…Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye you lizard scum! Bye! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I stole [Denis Leary’s] act. I camouflaged it with punchlines and, to really throw people off, I did it before he did. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I saw…a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I love watching…that all-terrain Popemobile with the 3 ft of bulletproof Plexiglass around him. Boy, there's faith in action.— Bill Hicks quotes

 

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I love talking about Kennedy assassination…a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government…sorry, wrong meeting. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I left in love, in laughter and in truth, and wherever love, laughter and truth abide, I will be there in spirit. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I hope you know this; I think you do–all governments are lying cocksuckers. Hope you know that. Good. All right. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I have NEVER seen people on pot get in a fight- because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. – Hey buddy! 'Hey what?' Hey. 'Hey.' — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I hate patriotism. I can't stand it, man. Makes me fucking sick. It's a round world last time I checked, OK? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I go to dance clubs…about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!' — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I dunno how much AIDS scares y'all, but I got a theory: the day they come out with a cure for AIDS, a guaranteed one-shot cure, on that day there's gonna be fucking in the streets, man. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't pretend to understand women's little quirks. Just one thing I know for sure, Chicks Dig Jerks. Ow! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't get along with anything, I really don't…I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't drink, uh, I don't do drugs. I wanna thank management for offering, but… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't do drugs anymore… than say, the average touring funk band. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous — as long as you're honest. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I can't understand a word they say, yet we're all speaking English…they all sound like little birds tweeting to me. — Bill Hicks quotes on Brits

 

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us…to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking) — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I am available for children's parties, by the way…Beelzebozo, clown from Hell. It's in the phone book under 'B' and 'H'. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

I am a misanthropic humanist….Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.'' — Bill Hicks quotes

 

How many disapprove of Bush–70 percent…How many'll vote for him–70 percent…Where'd they take that poll? Some S+M parlor? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

How come Keith Richards still walks? Explain that … You never hear the Surgeon General mention Keith, do ya? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Here's what causes sexual thoughts…having a dick…In the course of our day ANYTHING can cause a sexual fucking thought. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body – as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Good evening. How are you tonight? Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to 'No Sympathy Night.' Welcome to 'You're Wrong Night'. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is William Melvin Hicks. Thanks Dad. — Bill Hicks quotes, Austin, Texas 1983

 

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

God has this…hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Fundamentalist Christianity – fascinating. These people actually believe that the the world is 12,000 years old. Swear to God. Based on what? I asked them. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But–there's no connection… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Dude, can I bum a cigarette from you, man? I'm trying to quit buying…50 years of smoking? You're giving me fucking hope! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Drugs that open your eyes…make you realize how you're being fucked every day of your life. Those drugs–are against the law. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Do I have a message? Yes, I do. Here's my message: as scary as the world is – and it is – it is merely a ride… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Do a commercial, you're off the artistic roll call, every word you say is suspect, you're a corporate whore and end of story. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Did you watch the flag-burning thing?…People were just 'Hey, buddy…My daddy died for that flag'…Really?…I bought mine. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Comedy is a double-edged sword; on 1 hand no 1 gives U any flak because…it's all a joke. On the other hand, it's not a joke. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Christianity's such an odd religion…eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love…Believe or die! — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

By the way, if anyone here is in marketing or advertising … kill yourself. Thank you. Just planting seeds… — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Blow up the arms dealers! How could that possibly help? Well…we'll save petrol. Our planes can drop their bombs on take-off. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't…Paula Abdul doesn't…there does seem to be a pattern. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour–appearing in small Southern towns–in front of handfuls of hillbillies. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Audience participation…is limited to…answers to my questions, laughter, applause and a blowjob from all the women afterward— Bill Hicks quotes

 

Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs…shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'? — Bill Hicks quotes

 

And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord. — Bill Hicks quotes

 


And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat fucking families and their fat dollar bills. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'…and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.' — Bill Hicks quotes

 

Alcohol kills more people than crack, coke and heroin combined…so thanks for inviting me to your little alcoholic drug den. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

A psychedelic experience…does make you realize everything you learned is in fact just learned and not necessarily true. — Bill Hicks quotes

 

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant. — Bill Hicks quotes

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