alcohol quotes,alcohol funny quotes,drunk quotes,food quotes

alcohol quotes

alcohol quotes,alcohol funny quotes,drunk quotes,food quotes
Tags: alcohol quotes,alcohol funny quotes,drunk quotes,food quotes

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. – Rita Rudner

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness — or so good as drink.  – Lord Chesterton

Never cry over split milk. It could've been whiskey.-  alcohol quotes by Pappy from Maverick

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after, and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them. – Winston Churchill

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.  – Henny Youngman

My experience through life has convinced me that, while moderation and temperance in all things are commendable and beneficial, abstinence from spirituous liquors is the best safeguard of morals and health. –  alcohol quotes by Robert E. Lee

Maybe talking when I’m piss ass drunk isn’t entirely bright. –  Chris McGowan

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication. –  alcohol quotes by Lord Byron 

Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life.  – Author Unknown

Know thyself, especially thyself after a couple of drinks.  –  alcohol quotes by Robert Brault

It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice. –   alcohol quotes by Jim Morrison

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. -George Burns

It is the unbroken testimony of all history that alcoholic liquors have been used by the strongest, wisest, handsomest, and in every way best races of all times.– George Saintsbury

It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.  – Thomas de Quincy, Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, 1856

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck.– George Carlin

In Wine There is Wisdom, In Beer There is Strength, In Water There is Bacteria. -Olde German Saying

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.–  alcohol quotes by George Best

I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk. We go to parties.  – Author Unknown

I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.  – Phil Harris

I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death.    — Jack Kerouac

I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. I'm homosexual. I'm a genius.    — Truman Capote

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.- Clement Freud

If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi.  – Author unknown

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.  – Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

If you keep on drinking rum, the world will soon be quit of a very dirty scoundrel. – Robert Louis Stevenson

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. – Jack Handy

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.  – Dean Martin

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.– P.J. O’Rourke

If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs. –  David Daye

If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.  – Joseph Schenck

If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic. – Author Unknown

I'd prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.  – Frank Nicholson, attributed

I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved. –  George Gobel

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.    — Hunter S. Thompson

I would rather commit adultery than drink a glass of beer.  – Lady Astor

I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer. The future's uncertain and the end is always near.-Jim Morrison

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.– Frida Kahlo

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.  – Raymond Chandler

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars – the rest I just squandered. – George Best

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.  – John Marcellus Huston

I only take a drink on two occasions: when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.    — Brendan Behan

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.- Brendan Behan

I may be drunk, but in the morning i‘ll be sober and you‘ll still be ugly. – Winston Churchill

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . .  –  Anchorman

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. – W.C. Fields

I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.– P.J. O’Rourke

I like my beer cold…my TV loud…and my homosexuals flaming.– Homer Simpson

I like liquor — its taste and its effects — and that is just the reason why I never drink it.  – Stonewall Jackson

I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator is still working. – Dave Berry

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors. –  Joe E. Lewis

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it. –  Anonymous

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. – Winston Churchill

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. – Oscar Wilde

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society, except that which makes to road safer, the beer stronger, the old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.– Brendan Behan

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. – Hunter S. Thompson 

I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking in my car driving ninety.    — Richard Pryor

I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did. –  Steve Krabitz

I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become. –  Tom Ralphs

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  – Frank Sinatra

I envy people who drink—at least they know what to blame everything on.  – Oscar Levant

I drink when I have occasion… and sometimes when I have no occasion. – Miguel De Cervantes

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. –  Rodney Dangerfield

I drink to make other people interesting. – George Jean Nathan

I drink therefore I am.– W.C. Fields

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.  – Don Marquis

I drink exactly as much as I want, and one drink more.  – H.L. Mencken

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