A large collection of funny inspirational quotes,all about funny inspirational quotes

A large collection of funny inspirational quotes,all about funny inspirational quotes

A large collection of funny inspirational quotes,all about funny inspirational quotes


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“You must pay for your sins.If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.”- Sam Levenson

 

“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.”- Sam Levenson

 

“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.” – James Thurber

 

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself.”- Ethel Barrymore

 

“You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”- Jack London

 

“You can't have everything. Where would you put it? ”- Steven Wright 

 

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” — Franklin P. Jones

 

“You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.” –Unknown

 

“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.”- Anonymous

 

“Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost.” – Martina Navratilova

 

“When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.”- Henri Matisse

 

“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.” – Henny Youngman

 

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” – Cathy Guisewite

 

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”– Winston Churchill

 

“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?'”- Sydney Harris

 

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”― Erma Bombeck

 

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

 

“We’re always bluffing, pretending we know best, when most of the time we’re just praying we won’t screw up too badly.”- Jodi Picoult

 

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

 

“Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” – Bill Copeland

 

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.”– Groucho Marx

 

“Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.” – Henri L. Bergson

 

“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ”- Bill Watterson

 

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” – M. K. Gandhi

 

“There is a dearth of mirth on the earth.” – Bill Nelson

 

“There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.”– Mark Twain

 

“There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option.”- Jeph Jacques

 

“There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.” – Roger Staubach

 

“There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.”- Mark Twain

 

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”- Franklin P. Jones

 

“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.”- Galileo Galilei

 

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”– George Bernard Shaw

 

“The shortest distance between two points is under construction.” – Noelie Alito

 

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

 

“The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill.” — W. Clement Stone

 

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”- Lane Olinghouse 

 

“The most important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein

 

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

 

“The greatest thief this world ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”– Henry Wheeler Shaw

 

“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever [s]he is.”– C.S. Lewis

 

“The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” -Albert Einstein

 

“The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget but a pessimist forgets to laugh. ”- Tom Bodett

 

“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”-Paul Reiser

 

“Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.”– Anon

 

“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” ― Mindy Kaling

 

“Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet.” — Roger Miller

 

“Some people develop a wishbone where their back bone should be.”- Anonymous

 

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”– Oscar Wilde

 

“Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.” — Gladys Berthe Stern

 

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

 

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”– Albert Einstein

 

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”– Albert Einstein

 

“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” – Will Rogers

 

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

 

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar

 

“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead. ”– Bill Mcglashen

 

“Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right.” ― Orson Scott Card, Xenocide

 

“Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it.”- Brian Vaszily

 

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” -Kyle Chandler

 

“One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget.”- Franklin P. Jones

 

“No matter where life takes me, you'll find me with a smile. Presumed to be happy, always laughing like a child. I never thought life could be this sweet! It's got me cheesing from cheek to cheek!” ― Mac Miller

 

“Never, ever, EVER give up! Unless there's something good on TV.”- Buster Guru

 

“Never trust a man with a penis.” ― Darynda Jones 

 

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

 

“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

 

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”- Napoleon Bonaparte

 

“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. ”- Winston Churchill

 

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry

 

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.” – Montaigne

 

“Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.” – Bertrand Russell

 

“Money won't make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves. ”- Zig Ziglar

 

“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. ”– Woody Allen

 

“Man has will… but woman has her way.” –Unknown

 

“Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.” — Woody Allen

 

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ”– Oprah Winfrey

 

“Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.” – Unknown

 

“Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop. ”- Unknown

 

“Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.”- Charles Schulz

 

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

 

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

 

“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”- Helen Rowland

 

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”- Dwight Eisenhower

 

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” -Victor Borge

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