A collection of Top 150 funny birthday quotes of all time

A collection of Top 150 funny birthday quotes of all time

A collection of Top 150 funny birthday quotes of all time
What are the best funny birthday quotes?  Looking for some funny birthday quotes? Share the funniest and most hilarious happy birthday wishes and quotes.

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“You've survived another year. Although you're older, it's better than the alternative. Congratulations!” — Anonymous

 

“You've heard of the three ages of man – youth, middle age, and "you're looking wonderful".” — Francis Cardinal Spellman

 

“Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.” — Bill Vaughan

 

“Youth is the best time to be rich, and the best time to be poor.” — Unknown,funny birthday quotes

 

“You're not aging….You're marinating. ” — Anonymous,funny birthday quotes

 

“You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ” — Author Unknown

 

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” — Jesse Jackson,funny birthday quotes

 

“Your birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar… Yung No Mo.” — Unknown

 

“Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of ‘you’ to the world.” — Unknown

 

“Your 40th birthday calls for a major party. Don’t worry. I’ve already alerted your doctor.” — Melanie White

 

“You’ve heard of the three ages of man – youth, age, and you are looking wonderful. ” — Francis Cardinal Spellman

 

“You’re not fifty – you’re five perfect 10s” — Unknown,funny birthday quotes

 

“You’re not 40, you’re eighteen with 22 years experience. ” — Unknown,funny birthday quotes

 

“You think age is a funny thing? Wait till you Look at yourself in the mirror…Happy Birthday!”

 

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope,funny birthday quotes

 

“You have the sweetest and the cutest smile I have ever seen. I wish to always see you with that smiling face, which brightens up our day. I love you, my sister and I wish you a very happy and warm birthday. May you achieve big things in life. God bless you.”

 

“you have a wonderful 39th birthday again. I hope it is as good as it was last year.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.” ,funny birthday quotes

 

“With every passing year, they become more experienced of life. It can really create a difference in your style while matching with their personality.”

 

“Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all itself.” — Tom Wilson,funny birthday quotes

 

“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” —  BobKelton

 

“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” — Blair Sabol

 

“When someone asks if you’d like cake or pie, why not say you want cake and pie? ” — Lisa Loeb,funny birthday quotes

 

“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” — Mark Twain,funny birthday quotes

 

“When I was young and it was someone's birthday, I didn't have the money to buy nice presents so I would take my mom's camera and make a movie parody for whoever's birthday it was. When I'd show it them, they'd die laughing. That reaction was a high for me, and I loved that feeling.” — David Henrie

 

“When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th.” — Gloria Stuart

 

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” — Mark Twain

 

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, the time I’m five I’ll be 64.”

 

“When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.” — Anonymous

 

“When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college.”

 

“Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come.” — Lucy Larcom,funny birthday quotes

 

“We are only young once. That is all society can stand.” — Bob Bowen,funny birthday quotes

 

“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Bernard Baruch,funny birthday quotes

 

“To me, fair friend, you never can be old. For as you were when first your eye I eyed. Such seems your beauty still.” — Shakespeare

 

“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.” — Groucho Marx ,funny birthday quotes

 

“Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.” — Robert Frost

 

“They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” — Malcom Cowley

 

“They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.” — Unknown Author

 

“There was a star dance, and under that was I born.” — Shakespeare,funny birthday quotes

 

“There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.” — Franklin Adams

 

“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn,funny birthday quotes

 

“The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” — T. S. Eliot

 

“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson

 

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

 

“The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.” — Oscar Wilde

 

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate” — Oprah Winfrey

 

“The heyday of a woman's life is the shady side of fifty.” — Elizabeth Staton,funny birthday quotes

 

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

 

“The event happened on my birthday. I don’t remember the date, I only know it was my birthday because there was no cake or presents. ” — Jarod Kintz

 

“The best years of a woman's life — the 10 years between 39 and 40.” — Anonymous

 

“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” —  H. Prochnow

 

“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” —  Unknown,funny birthday quotes

 

“Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.” — Andy Borowitz

 

“Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.” — Audrey Hepburn

 

“Some words of wisdom for your birthday, 'Smile while you still have teeth'.” — Anonymous

 

“Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.” — Martin Buxbaum

 

“Some birthday advice: don’t run upstairs right before you have to blow out 40 candles.” — Melanie White

 

“Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” — Jim Gaffigan

 

“Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time.” — Jean Ritcher,funny birthday quotes

 

“One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell anything.” — Oscar Wilde

 

“On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. ” — Jarod Kintz

 

“On every birthday, I ask my wife, ‘What would you like this year?’ and her instant reply is, ‘Diamonds! Diamonds! Diamonds!’ I’m always living in hope that one day she’ll say she just wants me! ” — Akshay Kumar

 

“Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.” — Maurice Chevalier,funny birthday quotes

 

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Fred Astaire

 

“Oh, your another birthday has arrived? But it really seems only yesterday that you were a whole year younger! God bless you, Buddy!”

 

“No wonder I'm unhappy… My twin forgot my birthday.” — Jerry Dennis,funny birthday quotes

 

“My Birthday! What a different sound that word had in my youthful ear.” — Thomas Moore,funny birthday quotes

 

“Most of us can remember a time when a birthday – especially if it was one's own – brightened the world as if a second sun has risen.” — Robert Lynd

 

“Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for economical rather than romantic reasons.” —  Eli Cass

 

“Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty” — Joan Rivers,funny birthday quotes

 

“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday.’” — Steven Wright

 

“It is lovely, when I forget all birthdays, including my own, to find that somebody remembers me.” — Ellen Glasgow

 

“If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.” — Jrim Easoen

 

“If you want to feel young on your 40th birthday, just throw your party in an old folks’ home.” — Melanie White

 

“If everybody was treated like they matter — everyday; birthdays wouldn’t be so special.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

 

“I was gonna make you a rum cake but now it’s just a cake and I’m drunk.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“I was gonna give you something awesome for your birthday, but the mailman made me get out of the mailbox.”

 

“I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.”

 

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’” — Steven Wright

 

“I never forget my wife's birthday. It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.” — Anonymous

 

“I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this wold.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“I hate birthdays. I thought that I only hated my own birthday, and then I realized that I hate my children’s birthdays too.” — Samantha Bee

 

“I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on. I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me, all wearing masks of my face.” — Stephen Hopkins

 

“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman. ” — Jarod Kintz

 

“I cried on my 18th birthday. I thought 17 was such a nice age. You're young enough to get away with things, but you're old enough, too.” — Liv Tyler

 

“I crashed my boyfriend's birthday when I was 12 years old. He didn't invite me and so I showed up.” — Isla Fisher

 

“I can’t believe it’s already been a year since the last time I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday. ” — Unknown

 

“I binge when I'm happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I'm at a birthday party.” — Kirstie Alley

 

“How to count your age: 480 months, 3,087 weeks, 14,610 days, or 350,650 hours. What are you planning on doing with the next 350,650 hours of your life?” 

 

“Hope your Birthday gently breezes into your life all the choicest of things and all that your heart holds dear Have A Fun- Filled Day.” — Unknown Author

 

“Having to blow out 40 candles on your birthday this year? I guess then we’ll know whether you truly are a windbag.” — Melanie White

 

“Having a birthday cake squashed into your face by young kids? Delicious. I always don a Santa suit at Christmas. Remaining childish is a tremendous state of innocence.” — John Lydon

 

“Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.” — Kin Hubbard

 

“Happy Birthday! May your facebook wall be filled with messages from people you never talk to.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too.” — Children’s birthday song

 

“Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a facebook reminder.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Halloween = Candy Thanksgiving = Food Christmas = Gifts New Year = Drinks Valentines = Sex Birthday = All Of The Above”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Guess what I found out. Birthdays are awesome, research states that those people who have more birthdays tend to live longer! Aren’t you happy?”

 

“Grow old along with me the best is yet to be.” — Robert Browning,funny birthday quotes

 

“Gotta get it, even if it’s in the worse way. Got cake like everyday my birthday. ” — Lil Wayne

 

“Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” — Kin Hubbard

 

“From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye.” — William Butler Yeats

 

“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.” — Sophie Tucker

 

“Forty isn’t old, if you’re a tree.” — Unknown

 

“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.” — French Proverb

 

“Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget aoubt the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“For my birthday my husband learned to cook and is cooking one day a week for me. But he only likes to do fancy dishes. So we end up with weird, obscure things in the refrigerator.” — Cheryl Hines

 

“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” — Steven Wright

 

“For me, the end of childhood came when the number of candles on my birthday cake no longer reflected my age, around 19 or 20. From then on, each candle came to represent an entire decade.” — Yotam Ottolenghi

 

“For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn

 

“Family made us sisters, life made us friends. Here's a great big birthday hug full of love and happy wishes as you celebrate your special day!”

 

“Everyday is a birthday; every moment of it is new to us; we are born again, renewed for fresh work and endeavor.” — Isaac Watts

 

“Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” — Sammy Hagar

 

“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.” — Chris Hardwick

 

“Every day, every birthday candle I blow out, every penny I throw over my shoulder in a wishing well, every time my daughter says, 'Let's make a wish on a star,' there's one thing I wish for: wisdom.” — Rene Russo

 

“Each ten years of a man's life has its own fortunes, its own hopes, its own desires.” — Goethe

 

“Don't try the cake. Go for the icing. Happy Birthday!” — Liam Holland, age 8

 

“Don't send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals when their cheery effect is needed.” — P. J. O'Rourke 

 

“Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Don’t call them age spots; they’re big freckles.” — Melanie White

 

“Dogs are aged 7 in humans counting.  Then, you are only 7. 1 years old in the dog world. So don’t freak out!” — Unknown

 

“Do you know why old men wear black socks with sandals? You’re one year closer to finding out. Happy Birthday.”,funny birthday quotes

 

“Cakes are special. Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember. It's all about the memories.” — Buddy Valastro

 

“By the time you reach 60, lots of body parts are larger than they used to be. Especially your tattoos.” — Greg Tamblyn

 

“Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.” — Unknown,funny birthday quotes

 

“Birthdays are like taxes. Both seem to happen too often and there’s no avoiding either.” — Blake Flannery,funny birthday quotes

 

“Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe. Happy Birthday!” 

 

“Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.” — Anonymous

 

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni

 

“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” — Greg Tamblyn

 

“Birthday Soup is good to eat, but not as good as Birthday Cake” — Else Holmelund Minarik

 

“Birthday is a salty word if you're not a fan of cake and ice cream.” — Greg Evans,funny birthday quotes

 

“At the age of 20, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all.”

 

“At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgement.” — Benjamin Franklin

 

“As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.” — Norman Wisdom

 

“Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I need an upgrade.” — Unknown

 

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

 

“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much. ” — George Harrison

 

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” — Kitty Collins,funny birthday quotes

 

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny

 

“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.” — Helen Hayes,funny birthday quotes

 

“Age is a relative term. All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.” — Melanie White

 

“A well-adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.” — Anonymous

 

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.” — Muhammad Ali

 

“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” — R. C. Ferguson,funny birthday quotes

 

“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” — Erma Bombeck

 

“A diplomatic husband said to his wife: How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?” 

 

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.” — Robert Frost

 

“A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.” — Unknown


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Top 480 birthday quotes and sayings of all time

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