A collection of 26 famous funny christmas quotes,Enjoy our famous Christmas quotes, Share the best funny christmas quotes.

A collection of 26 famous funny christmas quotes,Enjoy our famous Christmas quotes, Share the best funny christmas quotes.

funny christmas quotes

1.

"There has been only one Christmas — the rest are anniversaries." – funny christmas quotes by W. J. Cameron


2.
"Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas" – Author Unknown

 

3.
"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."- Andy Borowitz

 


4.
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." – Shirley Temple

 

5.
"Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit." – Anonymous

 


6.
"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree." – Roy L. Smith

 

7.
"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." – Charles Dickens

 

8.
"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller


9.
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included." – Bernard Manning

 

10.
"Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear." – Unknown

 


11.
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." – –Johnny Carson

 

12.
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." – –Dave Barry

 

13.
"Christmas is a competition to see which gives out first: your money or your feet." – Author Unknown

 

14.
"Christmas should be a time of peace and contemplation, but who came up with the idea that there must be gifts???" – Author Unknown

 


15.
"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present." – Author Unknown

 


16.
"The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." – Author Unknown

 

17.
"We don’t have a chimney – how does Santa get in? He makes himself small and comes in through the dog door!"- Author Unknown

 

18.
"Listen – Listen- all little boys and girls – If you are good, Santa will bring you goodies on Christmas — and when I say good, I mean really really good!" – Author Unknown

 

19.
"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic."  – Author Unknown

 


20.
"Even before Christmas has said Hello, it's saying 'Buy Buy'"   – Robert Paul

 

21.
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other." – Johnny Carson

 

22.
"Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice." – David Barry

 

23. 
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." – Johnny Carson

 

24. 
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." – Phyllis Diller

 

25.
"Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp." – Melanie White

 

26.
"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases." – Bridger Winegar

 

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